January 2009

Forgiving Others

Matthew 18:21-19:1
Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, `Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.'  And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat he said, `Pay what you owe.'  So his fellow servant fell down and besought him, `Have patience with me, and I will pay you.'  He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, `You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

I had a chat with a few girlfriends recently. I wanted their opinion on a serious matter, more importantly I wanted to compare my response with that of other women. Here's what I told them…I spoke on an arrangement where I believed to have been accurate and where the other party was transparently wrong in my humble opinion. Imagine that, me humble!  With my modest impression of all things,  I did everything possible to improve on a bad situation. However I soon noticed that the particular  individual in question had become distant and unsociable towards me perhaps as a result of the disagreement, or quite possibly just having a bad day- as we all are entitled to a few of those from time to time. Nevertheless it is never my intent to be offensive or impolite to anyone, intentionally. Quite frankly I went up to that person, offered an apology for any possible miscommunication or misunderstanding and asked for forgiveness for the whole situation.

My girlfriends were in an uproar when they discovered the outcome of my dilemma. They demanded a serious answer to the question, "Why did YOU apologize?!?! SHE was clearly out of line!" Despite my perceived injustice, this person also felt a valid grievance. If this individual was at all offended in any way by anything that I could have done, intentionally or not, it deserved an apology.  As much as we interact with others via email, text, telephone or in person we are prone to encounter disagreements. Ladies, we must be willing to have a compassionate heart, a sincere understanding for the mind of others and an acceptable amount of responsibility for our own actions. Step outside the box; evaluate the situation from all perspectives. Both parties can rationalize in their own mind a prerogative of who is wrong and who is right. You'll get no where fast this way. A mature Christian will take the necessary steps to handle a dispute diplomatically.

Now woman to woman I would love to tell you that the conditions soon changed after my request for forgiveness was offered or that everything returned to normal soon after but it did not happen quite that way. As a matter of fact, my apologies fell on deaf ears. Friends thought it gave the other person a sense of entitlement and suggested that I was a fool. I'll have you know, it takes a very strong person to forgive, an even stronger person to apologize.

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one." ~Henry Ward Beecher

"Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule." ~Lewis B. Smedes

"Yes, this is what good is: to forgive evil. There is no other good." ~Antonio Porchia

Working with Our Girls it is my devotion to esteem others and to not allow myself to become puffed up, prideful, angry or self righteous. (Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than you. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3,4) Apologizing kept me gentle, kept me in conversation with Christ and allowed my prayers to continue to be heard and not blocked. How can I ask God to forgive me of my sins, accidental, unplanned or unintentional as they might be, and not be able to ask the same of others? When I am tested in my spirit, I must comply with God's word. No matter how blameless, accurate or innocent I feel that I am. In my own opinion I am probably always right. I always feel I am justified to make the mistakes that I often construct. With knowledge and understanding, I can accept when I am wrong. (It does happen sometimes.)

I've got a great husband who will not allow us to go to bed angry. He simply will not! Nor is he is going to stay up all night and talk about my feelings. No, he has mastered the ability to sincerely and genuinely apologize.  He will compromise most nights and admit when he is wrong, still there are times when I know I could have provoked him or I could just be overly sensitive to the situation. His apology to me is like cold water on a hot day. I am simply refreshed by his ability to take the blame if it will retract from my frustration. In his opinion, if it will cause me to diminish my relationship with him the argument simply isn't worthy. If any quarrel will cause me or others to falter our relationship with Christ, it simply isn't worthy.

Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble. 1 Corinthians 8:13 (NASB)

Lisah Moore

Most gracious and sovereign God, I repent of all the things I have knowingly and unknowingly done that are not pleasing to you. Father I approach the throne with Thanksgiving for everything you've done for me. God on behalf of my sisters on this email, I beseech you, Father, all of them need something from you and it is my prayer that you will read the concerns and desires of their hearts and bless them with a double portion according to you will. I declare by faith it is done in the name of Jesus. Amen. [April M. Grant]